How can you “feel the love” when you’re exhausted, disillusioned, and conflicted about priorities? I get it…You want to take better care of yourself and take some time to rela, so you can enjoy your family and friends. Even then, people can be so annoying. How can you love them, when they drive you crazy? There is hope! 

In all my decades of studying, personal practice, and coaching clients, I’ve found many wonderful tools one of which has been extremely rewarding for me recently: “empathy writing.” See if you might also reap rewards from this exercise.

Last week, my business mentor said, “Would you like to do some forgiveness work to free up some energy for greater productivity?” “Yes!” It made sense to me. So I wrote a few names of mostly family members, including an in-law and two brothers with whom I have old resentments. Then I went back in time to former co-workers, guys who’d grabbed me (etc.), and then returne to a few recent resentments of random people.

I had accumulated a full page of names, but…I really didn’t feel like forgiving them yet.

Mostly, I wanted to blame them, remind them of how well I’ve behaved comparatively, and how many techniques I could share with them since I’m the expert! Sure…that’ll work…like it’s worked so well in the past? Hum.

Then I remembered during my last family visit, my brothers expressed an interest in practicing communication skills together. I was pleasantly shocked, “That’d be great!” We did well and did poorly too, which prompted me to re-watch YouTube trainings on Nonviolent Communication. Empathy is the first step. “Ahhh, yes!” I needed todo some “empathy writing” for them and myself.

It’s been amazing!

Even though I’ve had compassion for their difficulties in the past, writing it down with the intention of forgiveness made a huge difference. I write about each person and what I know has been challenging in their lives. I write how I would be challenged if it were me. I feel the resentment letting go of me.

After writing, I close my eyes and mindfully sit with the image and feeling I with each person. I give myself time with them…reminding myself how hard they try, given the many variables that contribute to anyone’s stress. Then I feel more and more peace and stillness within. Then I inquire with myself, “Is the resentment really gone?” “Is there anything to forgive?” I contemplate a situation with them in the past, and the resentment keeps disappearing.  

There wasn’t anything to forgive anymore. Deep breath of gratitude…“Now I feel the love.” 

I’m sure you realize too that feelings of peace and love come and go. And my experience shows with myself and clients, each practice like this we do develops the muscle of resilience. The result is we catch ourselves sooner when upset, do the practice more often, and “feel the love” more often.

You know what they say, “In the end, love is all that matters.” May you feel the love within yourself, and may it shine on all those around you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you’d like support to “feel the love” more often, let me know.

by Monique Martineau,  Resilience Specialist, Speaker & Coach